Insights into depression among "nice guys"

As quoted in Cries of the Heart by Ravi Zacharias

The Subtle Betrayal

Out of all the various personality types in our culture, there is one type that is more likely than any other to get depressed at some time in life. That type is the "nice guy"--the person who is self-sacrificing, overly conscientious, over-dutiful, hard-working, and frequently quite religious. Psychiatrists call this type the obsessive-compulsive personality.

Most lay persons call him a perfectionist, or a "workaholic", or even a dedicated servant.... Many find this quite surprising.... But those who have made a study of the depth of unconscious human dynamics realize that is really quite fair. ...Those dedicated servants who get depressed have as many struggles with personal selfishness as the parasite on welfare, he is out in society serving humanity at a work pace of eighty to a hundred hours a week, he is selfishly ignoring his wife and children. ...In his own eyes, and in the eyes of society, he is the epitome of human dedication... while his wife suffers from loneliness...and his sons...eventually commit suicide. ...He becomes angry when his wife and children place demands on him.

He can't understand how they could have the nerve to call such an unselfish, dedicated servant a selfish husband and father. ...In reality, his wife and children are correct, and they are suffering severely because of this subtle selfishness. This is precisely the reason why so many of the children of pastors, missionaries, and doctors turn out to be rebellious.

- Frank B. Minirth an Paul D. Meier, Happiness Is a Choice (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker, 1994). 13